The heart inside my chest feels like it’s out at sea. A wintry sea that could freeze a body instantly, but in a vessel my heart floats, violently jerked side to side, looking back at the strangeness of shore as it drifts. At the strangeness of illness of goneness of love and no love. My heart hears my father saying, “We don’t need anyone else sick in this family,” and so chooses to escape.